So, I know what it’s like to fall off the food wagon, hard. I mean, full faceplant directly into vats of fried goodness and wheels of cheese. I got sick, which led to misery, which led to not going to the gym for 10 days. I also started re-introducing things back into my diet after the Whole 30. The killer… cheese. Holy hell, cheese is the devil incarnate. Seriously, I think there is a ‘donut craving’ button that is only accessible by cheese. I had never craved sweets so much until shocking my body with dairy after a 30 day hiatus from cheese. Of course, this could all be psychological.
I have always known this would be an eternal struggle. The struggle to be less fat. It will never be skinny or fit, but just ‘less fat.’ I am not skinnier than I was last year, but less fat. Still fat… but less fat. Get it? I’m fat.
I’m trying to figure out ways to eat out of necessity only, not recreationally or socially. Not that I don’t want to be social or recreate (sure, that’s not the correct use. go with it) but there has to be a solution. Aren’t we all looking for the solution? Isn’t the quest for the solution something that makes some entrepreneurs wealthy? Mind you, these entrepreneurs are usually born with the metabolism and body types that make me angry to begin with. Lucky sperm club. They create ‘systems’ and ‘programs’ and ‘clubs’ that you sign up for, pay for, but do they work?
Sigh. I’m just ranting. Today is one of those days that I just hate my body. Hate the fact that, before these past few weeks (after the whole 30), the only compliment I remember getting about my body was back in highschool after I had missed 2 weeks of class due to an illness, thus not being able to eat for 2 weeks. Was that really the last time I looked good to someone? After not being able to eat at all? Ho. ly. shit. I even had jaw surgery that caused a 30lb+ weight drop, but even then I wasn’t thin. HA! Fuck. Crazy shit.
